she felt she were losing her temper

I'm heading off to the party, to meet up with breguetfan.  

7:04:13 PM iluvhookah: who R U?
7:04:25 PM dreamchilde85: ?
7:04:31 PM dreamchilde85: you called me
7:04:40 PM iluvhookah: who R U?
7:04:49 PM dreamchilde85: i'm not saying anything until you tell me who this is
7:05:24 PM iluvhookah: why do u care?
7:05:35 PM dreamchilde85: well I dont know but im leaving
7:05:41 PM iluvhookah: wait!!!!
7:05:46 PM dreamchilde85: ?
7:05:55 PM iluvhookah: keep your temper
7:06:10 PM dreamchilde85: not making it easy, dude
7:06:12 PM iluvhookah: so you think your not the same anymore
7:06:26 PM dreamchilde85: how did you know that?
7:06:42 PM iluvhookah: so you do think you changed
7:06:51 PM dreamchilde85: yeah sometimes
7:06:53 PM dreamchilde85: it's like I dont remember stuff i used to know and some of the stuff i know now seems strange
7:07:04 PM dreamchilde85: and i keep changing sizes
7:07:09 PM dreamchilde85: but srsly how did u know that?
7:07:14 PM iluvhookah: what do U remember wrong
7:07:21 PM dreamchilde85: like songs, poems, addresses, dates.  all kinds of stuff.
7:07:22 PM iluvhookah: say one
7:07:29 PM dreamchilde85: look at my last comment to schlafenkatze on LJ.
7:07:32 PM dreamchilde85: see
7:08:51 PM iluvhookah: totally wrong that is
7:09:06 PM dreamchilde85: talking like yoda we are?
7:09:12 PM iluvhookah: poem is totally wrong
7:10:06 PM dreamchilde85: I know, right?
7:10:14 PM iluvhookah: so whats with the size thing. R U OK now?
7:10:28 PM dreamchilde85: not really.  im too small to be safe.
7:10:42 PM iluvhookah: one side makes you larger and one side makes you small
7:10:51 PM dreamchilde85: yeah okay and the ones that mother gives you dont do anything at all
7:11:02 PM iluvhookah: one side big one side small.  Later.
7:11:09 PM dreamchilde85: wait - one side?
7:11:12 PM dreamchilde85: one side of WHAT
7:14:22 PM iluvhookah: the mushroom duh
7:14:25 PM iluvhookah: keep your temper

So I looked down, and you won't believe this but there was this mushroom truffle thing in a little gold and white doily sitting on the table right in front of me.  Seriously.  How did it get there?  How did creepy druggie IM person know?  So weird.  So you are going to think I'm totally mental, but I ate some.  And I got bigger.  And ate the other side and got smaller.  I think I'm getting the hang of this place.

So you all know that Her Highness has been acting totally psycho lately and not psycho like she normally acts.  She's achieving a whole new level of psychosity.  breguetfan is on the hunt - trying to figure out why.  My job is to figure out where.  We think things are going to come to a head on the 15th.  Three more days.

finally out of breguetfan's apartment.  That's not an experience I want to repeat for reals.  Unfortunately, getting small enough to get out of the apartment left me a little smaller than I wanted to be to be safe.  But I think I can deal with it.  breguetfan is headed off to see the Duchess, and you can all imagine how much I did not want to accompany him on that trip.  So I'm headed off to find the garden. 

Wow. So I feel asleep like I haven't in days. I must have really needed that. I feel all refreshed and ready to take on the world. Except I can't get out...

I think the drink wore off.

OMG so much to tell. And! At the same time! Not much at all.

I got through the door. drootzler told me about the right bottle and abracadabra! all of a sudden I could fit. Through the door and into this awesome courtyard place.



But now that I'm in it's like I still didn't have anywhere to go. I don't really know where breguetfan is staying, or where to find him or anything. My phone still doesn't work, and no one I've talked to has seen him recently, though they did seem to know who he was. Thanks be to breguetfan's ability to meet people wherever he goes. That's why I'm going to be able to find him, right?

But I have a lead and I'm about to follow up on it right now. I'm walking along in front of this cream-colored building around the corner, and I come across the weirdest combination of things: a pair of mittens and a little tiny plastic portable fan on this little tiny stoop. You guys - you see where I'm going with this, right? Who else carries a little blue battery-powered fan thing clipped to his bag like 24-7, even in mittens weather? Seriously, breguetfan has to be close. Really close.

I'm thnking he dropped them here, outside his little tiny door. Which is weird, but I'm not thinking about it.

(Seriously though you guys - look at this door. How weird is this?)




It's going to take the last of the bottle's mojo to get me in, but it'll be worth it.

Later darlings!

Within my reach!
I could have touched!
I might have chanced that way!
Soft sauntered through the village,
Sauntered as soft away!
So unsuspected violets
Within the fields like low,
Too late for striving fingers
That passed, an hour ago.


Just kidding breguetfan!  You're not a violet!  Shrinking or otherwise!

So close but yet so far - but I'm focusing on the close part.  I talked to breguetfan today and even though I didn't get to see him, I feel a lot better.  He told me to keep my eyes open, and I've been trying to notice anything that might help me meet up with him - starting with getting through that door.  Noticing stuff.  Not always my strong suit.

Looking for bottles.  Do you have any idea how many bottles you find when you start looking for them on a city street?  It's on the disgusting side.  Nothing that looked helpful though. 

Still! A better day.

So I've been up and down the block where breguetfan disappeared, into the alley and up on the rooftops and I can't see any way to get to the courtyard that that one door leads to without shrinking, or figuring out a way to open it wider. All of the doors on either side are locked shut tight, so I can't go through one of them and through the bad, and when I go around the block, or what looks like it should be around the block, there's no sign of any courtyard anywhere.

And I was exaggerating about the rooftops. I didn't really do that because I can't really figure any way how. On this side, there's no entry. and the buildings all around are shorter than they are on this block.

And? Creepiest thing. I think there's a cat following me. But every time I turn around it's gone.

So anyway, here's what the door looks like - you can see my problem:



It's open about four inches.  I can ALMOST slip through but not quite.  Actually, I can't almost slip through, it just seems like I can.  And I NEED to get through . I'm sure this is where breguetfan disappeared, and then both today and  yesterday I was sure that I saw Her Highness here too.  I know this is where I need to be.

Things are fine.  Still haven't found breguetfan, but I think I was just behind him for most of the evening.  Nothing too strange happened, except I think I saw Her Highness here earlier.  Can that be right?  Did anyone see her on campus around, say, six-ish?  Bigger update tomorrow.  Must sleep now.

So I still can't fit through that one door, and it's still the only door I can open around here which led me to the depths of despair for a while there before.  You don't know what its like, you know, when you have this thing you want to do and it is LITERALLY like every door is closed to you.  It's like I not only don't know how to take my next step, but I don't even know what that next step is.  Like I'd love to get out of this frying pan, even if it is into the fire, but I can't even see the edge of the pan to get out.  And so eerie and strange with no one around and nothing to orient myself with it was like I started to forget who I even was.  It felt like if I was only myself, I would know how to get out.  But I didn't know how to get out, so maybe I wasn't even myself, and if I wasn't myself then who was I?  All I knew was that whoever I was, she wasn't very bright.

So that was not awesome and I was pretty depressed and there might have even been some crying there. I'm not saying there was, mind you, but there might have been. 

But I'm pretty much over it and feeling somewhat better now.  I said to myself, I said, "you ought to be ashamed of yourself."  Which didn't really work, but you know how sometimes you just cry until you're done and then you feel better even though nothing about your situation has really changed?  It was like that.  Still lost, still not sure where to go, and now extra-damp but - feeling better.

So I'm pretty sure that this ajar door is where breguetfan disappeared when I caught that glimpse of him when I first got off the train.  The problem is that I have NO idea how to get through it.  I'm not a big girl, but there is no way I could fit through it and still be me-sized.  So Plan B?  What is Plan B? 

Luckily, when I got off that first street, stuff seemed like it would be a little more normal.  I mean, there are shops and their doors open.  What they open up to is not always what you would expect, but at least there's stuff to see and people to talk to.  The phone thing here IS entirely bizarro.  My phone seems like it should be working, but when I try to text or call anyone garage doors start flying up and down as far as a block a way.  I don't mind telling you that it's a trifle freaksome when it happens.  It's like they are alive and they do not like me at all.  So no phone.  The Internet works, and it is pretty easy to get at.  I'm in this biker bar looking place and there's an internet station in here.  It's like there's one everywhere I've been.  But the searching makes no sense at all.  I type in something like "mice" and I get page after page on William the Conqueror.  So as long as I can type in an address directly, I can use the web - so GO LJ.  

I'm going to head over now and leave a comment for breguetfan.  Then figure out the next steps in Plan B.  I have to go back where I was and try to figure out that door again - I just know it's the key.

Is schlafenkatze giving advice from Emily for me?  I hope it helps.

on the Blue Line gets weirder and weirder, guys.  You don't even know.  YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. 

So I rode the blue line to the last stop, and it was like it took forever.  Like I could have been on the train halfway to China before I got off.  I had no idea that the train even wen that far - trufax.  I wondered for a second if I'd get off the train and hear weird hobbit accents.  Like "please ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia... because it couldn't possibly be home anymore." 

Finally, I got off and things only got weirder.  Seriously there is nothing about this place that makes sense.  I caught a glimpse of breguetfan for a second right after I got off the train, but he turned a corner and I lost him.  And then it was like I was totally alone.  Like, no sign of anyone anywhere.  I was walking up and down this street, and all the doors were locked.  There was no one I could see.  Finally, I got to the end of the street and there is this one door that's ajar, but I can't fit through it.  It's completely eerie.  I don't mind admitting that I'm a little bit freaked out.

I'm not sure what to do now -- I'm not sure how to move forward.  But I'm not going back.  I'll keep you posted.

Okay guys, I'm heading off after breguetfan now.  I'm pretty sure I know where he went off the radar and I'm going over there now.  Doris knows where I am, and I have my phone (though it might not work) so I am being safe and I'll get in some kind of touch as soon as I get there.  If any of you have the info he needs please let him know - I didn't find anyone.

Adventure ahoy!

I missed the window!  
breguetfan - I was in the archives all afternoon and I didn't get to LJ until after "before seven" was over.  Not that I know any hat makers.  Weird requests much?  I hope someone else was able to help you.   And there was no new Project Runway tonight so I didn't even have to give you the extra day.  This time tomorrow, you're not back - I'm coming after you and I mean it.  That mousy little French TA told me that he saw you on the Blue Line and that you stayed on past the airport so I have a place to start.

Speaking of, does anyone know what's past the airport on the Blue Line?  I mean, seriously guys, has anyone ever been out there?  I mean, really it's all kind of blurry past Government Center.

So sociology was sociology.  I raised two questions and got a "well asked" on the second one even though the person who answered it was completely not-awesome in her reply.  But it's about being noticed, not the dialogue, right?  So I win. 

Emily's advice for this weird day.  At least she was kind of a weird chica, you know?  Page 218.

corridors

Great -- creepy and cryptic.

So in the continuing saga of breguetfan  -- seriously, when did my life get so boring that all I can do is write about someone else -- you probably noticed that he surfaced briefly, just to disappear again.  He left a comment here this afternoon, but he's still not answering his cell or getting back to my texts.  I've decided I'm going to give him one more day.  Well, maybe two more days because Project Runway is on tomorrow night (hi Doris!).  Then I will be On The Case.

Or not, I really haven't decided.  I can't really think about it right now because there's going to be a talking part in Sociology tomorrow and I know that I am going to end up having to talk.  That means I gotta be looking at the book tonight.  No one come and try to distract me with something interesting tonight.  I mean it!  I will have focus of steel or something.

All right - I missed Emily yesterday, didn't I?  It's crazy how much I fail.

Yesterday -- page 219.

powdered

Does it seem like Emily's getting increasingly cryptic?

Today -- page 95

sofa

Okay, sadly that one is relevant to my life.

No distractions!  Sociology!

Still haven't tracked down breguetfan, but you guys have convinced me to give him a little space.  If I hear one thing that makes me think he's really in trouble though, you know I'll be on the case.  So breguetfan if you're listening - post something or call me. 

Like seriously, the Depths are really the Depths without strength in numbers.  I was there working late last night and Her Highness was storming around, keeping people from writing and then threatening to fire them for doing stuff wrong.  She's seriously starting to lose it, you guys.  Like power is going to her head or something else is - because even she wasn't this crazy before.  Like she was so crazy I wondered if she'd fired breguetfan and then forgotten to tell anyone.

Let's see how Emily thinks I should deal with her, page 106...

windy

*Dramatic sigh* --  real helpful, that.

I'm here, just bogged down by little boring details.  I'm getting worried about breguetfan though - has anyone seen him lately? 

breguetfan - if you see this.  I'm going to stop at the Bean Counter before heading over to the newspaper.  Around seven or so?

Yesterday's advice from Emily.  Now with 20-20 hindsight!  -- page 21...

lost

Today - page 291...

garden

still bored.  Too bored to talk about it.  I don't know what's up with me really.  I have some stuff I could be doing for sure.  But I'm feeling too bored to do it.  I don't know, guys, I just want something different to happen.  But who knows, maybe that's wishful thinking.  Maybe if something different happens I'll be all OMG I WISH I WAS BORED."

Yeah.

Okay - what does Emily have to say?   Page 234

below

heading towards despondency - gloominess -funk. 

I am SO BORED -- seriously guys -- this is getting desperate. 

I even tried reading dreamingedith's book.  EDITH's book. You know what Edith's books are like but I think this one is super boring even for one of Edith's books.  No pictures, no Colin Firth.  Gah. 

Maybe it's just that it's hot.  It is super-hot in here today.  I could get up and open the window, but it's too much bother and you know I shouldn't have to open the window in January just to be comfortable.  I hate living here.

Okay, I know you're all waiting for today's sign from Emily so I'm going to do that and then I'm going to go.

Today's page is 167 --

creation